The Entroporium

It’s pretty rare when you see a mainstream sportswriter go absolutely ballistic. Gwen Knapp over at the SF Chronicle has some choice words on baseball’s steroids ‘scandal,’ but whodathunk that she could connect it — with justification, yet! — to the Iraq War.

An early frontrunner for the best sportswriting I’ve seen in 2005.

‘A big confession: I lied about Bonds’

OK, I’m a little confused. I listened to the President’s inaugural address yesterday and it sounded eerily familiar. Sure enough, it’s a Goldwater ’64 Greatest Hits compilation!

I believe that we must look beyond the defense of freedom today to its extension tomorrow. I believe that the communism which boasts it will bury us will, instead, give way to the forces of freedom. And I can see in the distant and yet recognizable future the outlines of a world worthy of our dedication, our every risk, our every effort, our every sacrifice along the way. Yes, a world that will redeem the suffering of those who will be liberated from tyranny. I can see — and I suggest that all thoughtful men must contemplate — the flowering of an Atlantic civilization… And I can see this Atlantic civilization galvanizing and guiding emergent nations everywhere…

I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

…except that George had to go and get his Jesus on, enough so that it even managed to freak out Peggy Noonan. At least Goldwater managed to keep the God thing under his hat.

So if Goldwater was so easy to beat — a mere two years after the nation was brought to the brink of nuclear war — why the hell can’t anybody do anything about George? Have the nation’s hearts & minds really become immune to the Daisy Ad? Where is LBJ when we need him?

[Soundtrack]
Morrissey – America Is Not The World.mp3
Barry Goldwater accepts the Republican Presidential Nomination 1964.mp3

To celebrate, a vision of unrest in the streets and flowers on the hillside.

May we all be safe and strong.

[Soundtrack]
Bright Eyes – Old Soul Song (For The New World Order).mp3

FORT HOOD, TEXAS (Reuters) — A lawyer for Specialist Charles Graner, the accused ringleader in the Iraq prisoner-abuse scandal, said yesterday that leashing inmates was acceptable prisoner control, and compared piling naked prisoners into a pyramid to routines performed by cheerleaders.

He compared some of the alleged instances of abuse at Abu Ghraib prison to the pyramids cheerleaders form at sporting events and parents putting tethers on toddlers.

“Don’t cheerleaders all over America form pyramids six to eight times a year? Is that torture?” Guy Womack said in his opening arguments to a 10-member U.S. military jury at the reservist’s court-martial.

In an astonishing piece of kismet, Charles Graner managed to find a lawyer who’s even more of an asshole than he is. My hunch is that he knows he’s screwed already, so he’d might as well go out throwing bombs. Can you imagine the global conflagration that will go down if Graner gets off the hook? It’ll make the Rodney King riots look like a Sunday in Golden Gate Park.

The scariest thing for me about Graner was learning that his civilian job was as a corrections officer. Are things like Abu Ghraib happening in our prison system every day? Why haven’t I seen this connection made in any media? (Because I’m wrong about this, I hope.)

It’s easy to see how he got his job in Iraq. “Find me the meanest, scariest MF you can get.”

[Soundtrack]
Dead Kennedys – Police Truck.mp3

Weird aside: A Google image search for “Charles Graner” gets you nothing?

You know I’m really grasping for straws of good news when I hear that Arlen Specter is getting his rightful seat as Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and I say, “Good!”

[Soundtrack]
Willie Brown & Woodie – Ventriloquist Rap.mp3

I’m tired of thinking about this … thing. And you are too.

So here is the silliest, most cheerful record I could find on the spur of the momen — a rap by a ventriloquist and his dummy, surely the only rap record of its kind. (If anybody has any more “dummy rap,” let’s get together and start a genre!)

Hey, his lips aren’t moving! How do they do that?

[Soundtrack]
Mel & Tim – Starting All Over Again.mp3

Looking back it seems so obvious now. That sense of foreboding, of torpor and motionlessness was all the build-up to the election. Basically nothing seemed to happen in October — and the molasses-slow playoffs did nothing to dispel that impression. In retrospect, it feels like a peaceful time.

My dear friends in the Red 26, let me extend a hand. We can make it through the next four years together. You promise not to restrict my civil rights or any of my friends’ and I’ll promise to not call you stupid. You can try not to overcommit our troops or legalize abusive use of our environment, energy supply or national infrastructure.

Mmmmm maybe not. Maybe you just don’t give a shit. More likely, you live in a parallel universe where we’ve found WMDs and Sadaam and Osama get together for cocktails. There’s got to be an explanation. Right?

I noticed that a whole lot of folks like yesterday’s propaganda image.

There’s tons more at the Propaganda Remix Project. Go get ‘em. Plaster the town.

[Soundtrack]
American Music Club – Patriot’s Heart.mp3

Swing states are part of the story, but consider: For the second time in a row, the Democratic ticket has failed to carry its own states. John Edwards’ North Carolina has 15 electoral votes; add on either Iowa or New Mexico and that’s enough to swing it — and that negates Ohio. In 2000, forget Florida; Gore wins by carrying his home state of Tennessee where his family had held national elective office since the 50s.

What’s the use of a running mate that can’t deliver his home state, especially when he presently holds office there?

I’ll return with my sense of humor tomorrow.

[Download]
Stevie Wonder – He’s Misstra Know It All.mp3

For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel: for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.

– Second Corinthians 11:13-15